Beyond forbidden walls.

Little incidents that have recently come my way unexpectedly has led me to be bold again; teaching me to believe in the journey and not the destination. Mainly opening my eyes to love in the different individuals through un-anticipated events. It has made me a little girl who once wanted to believe in fairy tales. Somehow I feel confident of who I am and what I want to do, I feel a greater appreciation from those who come my way. I was set to confine myself to what was already written in the stars and pursue happiness in that manner. However, trudging beyond these forbidden walls and risking being broken on my way and finding happiness in the journey no matter the destiny, seems to be my greater call.

A thousand pounds

'A thousand pounds on my chest' moments are what have brought us nearer and stronger in our friendship than ever. When your close friend tells you about her 'thousand pounds on my chest' moment, your heart pounds. Especially when you are so far away from your loved ones who would come to your rescue and wipe your tears away immediately. You wish you could make that move. Maybe that is why we promised to never live too far away from each other. I remember telling her that, many times we will go through the 'thousand pounds on my chest' moments in our life but there is nothing we can do to stop them. And when I feel the 'thousand pounds on my chest', I reach out to the one who told me about it first. I have found few individuals who can take away the thousand pounds by just being there for you. And I pray that I never lose them and that they get stronger than those thousand pounds whenever it hits them. 

A day with you.

And a day with you was all I wanted.

The words of a Stranger.

Many times, a Stranger has a 'disconnected' connotation to it. We don't immediately associate it with something near and dear. I realize, growing up, how the importance of a Stranger in your life can be. Sometimes, circumstances can teach you to mature in austerity due to friendships and family relationships gone ugly. But what is there to judge such people who do not want anything more with Strangers?

I was in Nepal for a month holiday to be with my family. Everyday was an event on its own whether we did something or not. Once, I was slowly recovering from a sickness and was not feeling great about myself. I had a reunion with my childhood friends that day and I had to go to a huge convenient store in the capital for a quick purchase. This young lady (early twenties) who was neatly attired worked to welcome customers and to ensure smooth flow of traffic in the different doorways of the big departmental store. I was late so was in a rush to go in but figured that I should ask her if I can take my plastic bag in. She looked and realized it was a pretty big bag which she was not sure if she should let me and told me politely that she will keep it with her at the doorway till I am done shopping. I quickly agreed to it. When I was done, I went to get my bag and we both smiled in unison. Then in quick hesitation, she told me that I had a 'sweet talk'. I was confused as to what she meant, and she explained that when I left my bag with her, the way I agreed in simple words had a sweet ring to the ear. Nobody told me something like that after just a minute of encounter so it was very unexpected and I did not know what to say so I just gave her a bigger smile and thanked her. I thought how she and I probably would have made good friends. Someone who had to deal with crowds, and someone who was not afraid to pass a compliment to one of the many people she sees everyday. I don't know why but at that moment, those little words from her lifted my mood and made me happy to be Me. It made me breathe the air around me better, and as I traveled to meet my friends, it made me forget and enjoy the moment of being part of the livelihood with strangers.

Similarly, I went running early yesterday morning. I came across this larger man in his 40s who kept looking at me and smiling as if we knew each other. Then it hit me not long afterwards that he was the same man who had complimented/encouraged me last winter that my running had improved so much and to keep up with my running. And again, yesterday, he smiled and told me that I am doing very well running. It quickly brought back my thoughts on Strangers and the power of their kind words. I don't know who that man is but he sure could be an angel for those going through hard times. Similarly, it really made me happy that someone recognized the fact that I always push myself to get out of bed so that I can be strong - mentally, emotionally and physically.

So today, I wanted to say that you may be a random person on the road for someone, but your kind words can mean the world to him/her. Stop and smile and if you really find something sweet, motivating or exceptional, do not be afraid to let that person know. Acknowledging little 'beauty' can create beautiful individuals.Obviously, this goes to closer ones in your life, like an old friend or distant family members. Reaching out to someone you believe in, could make a big difference in their life. 

I Will Be Worthy of It

             I may not reach the heights I seek,
                My untried strength may fail me;
                Or, half-way up the mountain peak
                Fierce tempests may assail me.
                But though that place I never gain,
                Herein lies comfort for my pain --
                I will be worthy of it.

               I may not triumph in success,
               Despite my earnest labor;
               I may not grasp results that bless
               The efforts of my neighbor.
               But though my goal I never see
               This thought shall always dwell with me --
               I will be worthy of it.

              The golden glory of Love's light
              May never fall on my way;
              My path may always lead through night,
              Like some deserted byway.
              But though life's dearest joy I miss
              There lies a nameless strength in this --
              I will be worthy of it.

                                      

                                                    - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Dancing with the wind.

Listen to the wind, you told me
And I did,
It made me see a love story
Through the fluttering of the fallen leaves-
Since then, every Fall was beautiful
As I listened to you.

This Fall, I failed to listen
to those fluttering leaves-
Since I stopped believing in love stories
And in you.

Yet, the gentle wind tugged me on
To listen silently and to feel closely
Tossing the leaves freely all around me-
And I listened without you,
To the whispers beckoning me
Of unknown loves and glories,
That had yet to drift over me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r99DIRPE2s

The cold wind warms me up.

There is something about the early cold morning that familiarizes me with my past, or brings me back to my existence in this country far from home. I guess I never really experienced autumn anywhere else but here in the states. The crisp winter air reminds me of how lonely I am or rather how I am alone out here far from my family and dear friends. I somehow warm up to these thoughts; I enjoy the feeling of being on my own and cIinging onto God to trust him in bringing me out here in the cold. I feel more alive when I can feel the sun warming my face in the bitter cold. It makes me more in tune with the harshness of this life and makes me yearn for my family and childhood days. The past three winters in grad school have been dark, and have numbed me in ways that I needed to be, only so that I could learn to use the cold to warm my heart in other ways. Many times, I did not want to be living in my thoughts of what-ifs, but wanted to live in the moment . This Fall, I am embracing the cold back into my life.

The Memory Keeper gets broken easily..

Amen!

                                   You've got to understand God wants to

                                   do things that you've never seen before.

                                   He wants to pour out His favor in

                                   unusual and extraordinary ways.

                                                                              -Joel Osteen

Guarding your heart -Tyler Perry

I was fighting with this for a while. Thank you for sharing again, Eggi, I loved it.

Hey --,

If you can get this, this will change your life… I was out taking my morning run. I love how still it is when I’m running. I can hear clearly and really commune with God. I wanted to share this with you. It’s a lesson I had to learn.

One of the keys to success is to be able to guard your heart. Now, usually when someone says guard your heart they are talking about keeping yourself from heartbreak. Although that is important (as long as you don’t go overboard... but that’s another conversation) that isn’t what I’m talking about. When we are born into this world we enter with such a pure heart but as we grow older situations, circumstances and people tend to make us change. Now I know it is nearly impossible to keep a childlike innocence in our hearts all of our lives, especially after people have betrayed, lied, mistreated and downright been the devil. Trust me when I tell you, I have seen it all. I have been there big time. If you’re like me you’ve been there too. But if this is your situation I want you to know two very important things about those moments of heartbreak. Number one, learn the lesson in it. See how it will work together for your good, because it will. Once you do, it’s easier to forgive and move on. Secondly, and this is just as important as the first one, you must not let that person or people change your heart. What do I mean by that? Well, if you are a giver and someone you have given to misuses your gift, don’t stop giving… just give to someone else. If you are a person that loves people and someone you love hates you, don’t stop loving… love someone else. Eventually, you will find people who appreciate your kindness and your love. Remember this, lots of people have been conditioned to not be able to accept purity of heart. They can’t take it in. Most times it’s not even their fault. It’s just what has happened to them on their journey in life. But don’t let them turn you into one of them. There will be a lot of people in your life who will not appreciate your pureness of heart. If they hurt you don’t stop being you… just be you with someone else.

Why is this so important? Because God blesses you according to what is in your heart. If you are being kind, giving, loving and sharing because it is in your heart and you are not looking for anything in return, then that is a heart that God wants to bless. If you change who you are because you’ve been hurt, then you’ve changed the thing that God wants to bless you according to, and that is your heart. The people who hurt you are not worth that. You can lose everything that you have, but don’t let anybody change your heart.

Mom made me Run and Dad made it happen.

In dedication to my parents on my b'day  : )

I ran the race for the unconditional love of two individuals, and not for someone’s game. I ran to remember my parents’ sacrifices and their hope that one day I can feel their love in my hardest situation and not give up. I ran because I knew pain would be worse if I lived in their shoes. I ran because they disciplined me with whatever strength and love they could give to their six children. While dad was fighting wars so that he could support his children's dreams, Mom made me run with her in the mornings. I run because every race is a challenge to overcome the bitter moments and finish strongly. I will run for those who have had unforgivable moments in life with God and yet,  gained their faith and moved on bravely facing the hostile world ahead. The race I run will be my reminder of these people and a victory over things that have brought me down. 

I AM

                           "I AM the author and perfector of the beginning and the end.." 

Paradox

        

I WENT out to the woods to-day
To hide away from you,
From you a thousand miles away—
But you came, too.
And yet the old dull thought would stay,
And all my heart benumb—
If you were but a mile away
You would not come.

                                                      Jessie B. Rittenhouse

"Let go or be dragged."

Family-Friends

There was something strong about this particular music that randomly played, immediately bringing back a string of bittersweet memories of my life all these years. And how better emphasized in the rare companionship of my childhood best-friend and sister in a road-trip; it totally killed me. Or rather it was a simple yet profound reminder of OUR friendship running from since we were kids to adults at the prime of our lives. Maybe most who grew up in the 90’s can relate to my words: the song ‘Graduation’ by Vitamin C. Listen to it right now as I elaborate. There is something powerful about the song that immediately grabs you and throws you back in time. “And so we talked about the rest of our lives, where we are going to be when we turn 25..” Yup, finally we ARE 25 and we catch ourselves listening to the very song that used to define our childhood meaning of BFFs. Only tears can express the emotions you feel because you agree with every single word in the song… “can we survive it out there, can we make it somehow?” Yes, we did make it somehow and we are still together like nothing happened, and we promise to be friends forever. That moment made the trip so satisfying and fulfilling. Thank you to my childhood bestie and sister who can make me feel like I am still the same sister and friend that they love, despite the circumstances of our different lives.

“And if you got something you need to say, you better say it right now cause you don’t have another day” –Graduation Vit C

If you suddenly remember an old friend that you hardly keep in touch with, it is not accidental or a coincidence, it is fated. So take a second of your busy life to send a quick ‘Hi’ through any of the various forms of communications we have now. You never know what it could mean to the friend at that instant. Mostly, you do not want to regret that you never reached out when it becomes too late.

Cheers to ‘family’ and ‘friends’ when the two become interchangeable in your life. 

"Loss does not always have to be death, but also a friend." - My sis

Dear friends,   

No week goes by when I do not see patients who have lost their dear
ones, sometimes in the prime of their lives.  It is extraordinarily
difficult to accept such a loss.  To reconcile, we search for a meaning.
Some of the thoughts we consider include:  those who have departed
didn't suffer any more than they had to, are at a good place, are
fulfilling some purpose where ever they are, and that God needed them
more than us who are left behind. 

Often times I feel we are playing a rigged game here, in this life.
Love creates longing and expectations that plant the seeds for loss and
hurt.  Loss is an inherent part of the gain.  For the Sun to rise in the
East it has to set in the West and vice versa.

In that case what are our choices?  Either remain hidden in Chrysalis -
safe, albeit fearful and unaccomplished, or be willing to accept the
loss and hurt.  Each lovely snowman will eventually melt.  The joy is
not in the snowman lasting through the summer, unreal as it is.  The joy
is in making the snowman, carving it the way you like, sharing some
laughter and memorable moments that get frozen in time.  

So how to play this rigged game.  Recognize that it is abnormal not to
suffer or to remain mindful all the time.  Love the precious people in
your lives knowing fully well that you will lose them some day.  Time is
finite for all of us.  It will be easier to say Good bye when you have
loved and were able to show it.  Keep desires, knowing fully well that
some of those desires will not be met.  

Make your snowmen and watch them melt, knowing that it will snow again
some day.  In Rochester, for sure!

- Amit

Amit Sood MD MSc
Associate Professor of Medicine
Chair, Mayo Mind Body Initiative
Director of Research & Practice, CIM Program
Associate Director, GIMRF
Mayo Clinic Rochester 55905 
507 538 0621

                                           Here comes the Sun, little darling..

The summer is just right for my quiet heart.

6/21/12

All I want is more silence, more space and more peace

To remember the ones who inspire me

To move forward for a goal that can be achieved

To make them proud

For a goal that can be real

To be resolute and strong;

The summer is perfect for my quiet heart.

Time will

6/13/12

Time will fix you,

The Sky tells me

Was it the beautiful Dawn leaving?

Is it the slow goodbye of a French star?

Is it seeking the inspirations left by the two ,

Instead of hearing the thunder of a lightning-storm

That shattered my heart and Faith?

Maybe it will be the ever changing colors of the sky

That will move me on over time.

Leaning to be Strong

5/21/12

Pushing to listen to the words

Of Grace

Standing to move towards clearer waters

Of purity

Choosing to accept reality;

Pretty or not

Searching to hear the never-ending assuring

splashes of a faraway coast

Of calmness

Of God’s presence

At the beginning;

The color of dawn marks the start of a new day.
The chance for a new aim that is waiting for you
just like dawn is waiting for us after every nightfall.
Its never too late with the forgiving bright morning star.