There is something about the early cold morning that familiarizes
me with my past, or brings me back to my existence in this country far from
home. I guess I never really experienced autumn anywhere else but here in the
states. The crisp winter air reminds me of how lonely I am or rather how I am
alone out here far from my family and dear friends. I somehow warm up to these
thoughts; I enjoy the feeling of being on my own and cIinging onto God to trust
him in bringing me out here in the cold. I feel more alive when I can feel the sun
warming my face in the bitter cold. It makes me more in tune with the harshness
of this life and makes me yearn for my family and childhood days. The past three
winters in grad school have been dark, and have numbed me in ways that I needed to
be, only so that I could learn to use the cold to warm my heart in other ways. Many
times, I did not want to be living in my thoughts of what-ifs, but wanted to
live in the moment . This Fall, I am embracing the cold back into my life.
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